If you're feeling nervous about juggling a newborn with your other children, take a breath. The tips that follow come from parents who've been exactly where you are and will help you set yourself up for success.
But first, know you’re already at an advantage because you know how to do this. Even if it’s been a while, you haven’t forgotten the basics. Even if your new baby has a different temperament, different needs, different everything, it’s still going to be fine.
Give yourself more time
This is probably the single most important mindset shift. Everything takes longer with a new baby and other kids. And getting out the door? Longer, longer, longer. Give yourself double the amount of time you think you need, and you’ll be calmer when you’re not racing against the clock.
In the early weeks, babywearing is your best friend. It frees up your hands to help your older kids while keeping your newborn close and content.
While you feed
Feeding a baby with other kids around deserves its own post, but here are a few quick tips:
- Make a bin with special toys/activities that you let your kids have only while you’re feeding. This way they don’t feel left out, and they have something new and engaging to do.
- Read books to your other kids or get down on the floor (if you can) and play one-handed with them while feeding your baby with a pillow on your lap.
Over time, baby will get faster at feeding, and you won’t need to distract your other kids for more than a few minutes.
Divide and conquer
While one person is handling the baby, the other manages the older kids. When one of you is at your limit, the other can step in. It doesn't have to be perfectly even; you’re on the same team.
Look to make things easier for each other by doing small things that help. If taking out the trash falls into his domain, do it every so often.
On that note, take care of your relationship, and yourselves. Make time for your spouse to do the things they love and make time for yourself to do the same. Make golf happen for him and he can return it by watching the kids while you go out.
Plan your meals in advance (and make a lot of them)
Think hours/days ahead for meals. Crock pot and instant pot are your friends. Make extra so you cook less. If you start cooking when the screams start, you’re already out.
Freeze soups. Prep casseroles. The goal is to have something nutritious ready to go when hunger strikes and you're in the thick of it. When dinner time rolls around, it’ll be much easier if you’re just heating something up, not starting from scratch.
Get outside every day
Get outside as much as possible. Find a good park or make your yard very playable. Put baby in a carrier or stroller, older kids in a double stroller or on a riding board attached to the stroller, or some combination that works. It helps a ton with the feeling of chaos and makes for a good routine.
Quiet time is non-negotiable
Make quiet time a daily thing for each of your older kids. Work up the time incrementally. Boredom is ok and improves imagination.
Bedtime starts after dinner
After dinner, head straight to the bath. After the bath, bedtime story or whatever helps everyone relax. This might sound early, but starting the bedtime routine earlier helps everyone wind down and get to bed at a good hour.
And here's permission to leave the mess. Once the kids are in bed, you'll probably spend 45 minutes cleaning up every night—but that's your designated cleanup time. Don’t sacrifice bedtime to keep things tidy during the day.
Build independence in your older kids
They may be in the “by myself” age anyway, so you can train them to do everyday tasks that would otherwise be “MOOOM—". A three-year-old can fetch and prepare snacks, fill water bottles and help pack the diaper bag in the morning. Kids like feeling helpful; just make sure to praise and thank them for helping you out.
If you’re feeling pulled in a million directions and guilty for not being able to give each child your full attention, remember: one day this baby will be playing right alongside your other children. You are giving them the greatest gift.