Part 1: Setting the foundation
In case you’re reading this before you’ve reached your breaking point, I’m going to first point out why teaching your baby to fall asleep on his own is so helpful. If you’re currently keeping your eyes open with toothpicks, after rocking your baby back to sleep every hour, you can skip straight to the “How to” section.
Why you’d want baby to be able to fall asleep without feeding/rocking/walking/etc
Reason #1: It makes your life a lot easier.
When baby isn’t reliant on you to be able to fall asleep, it frees you up to do other things. Spending 20 minutes at a time getting your baby to sleep, at all hours of the day and night can be very draining. Babies require a lot of time and attention, but not for falling asleep!
Reason #2: You are giving your child a gift.
Learning to fall asleep independently is a skill that any baby can learn, but it (usually) needs to be taught. When you teach your baby to fall asleep on his own, you are teaching him a skill that he will use and benefit from for life.
Reason #3: Little babies wake up in the middle of the night. Multiple times.
You will have to feed your baby and/or change his diaper in middle of the night. But if he knows how to fall asleep independently, you can just put him back in his crib afterwards, and then you both get to go back to sleep. Which brings me to...
Reason #4: You want baby to sleep in his own crib/bassinet.
But every time he (finally) falls asleep, you need to do the dreaded transfer. If you’re not perfectly smooth, he’s up again and you need to start all over. At which point you are both in tears. When your baby knows how to fall asleep on his own, you put him down while he’s still awake, so there’s no transfer.
Reason #5: You want to avoid sleep-training.
This is totally not a guarantee, but many babies who are taught to fall asleep on their own don’t need to be sleep-trained later on, using more formal methods like Cry It Out or the Ferber method.
Disclaimer: There is nothing BAD about feeding or rocking your baby to sleep. It’s a natural, normal and wonderful thing to do. And if it works for you, please keep at it. This article is for the people who need another way or who think they might need another way at some point.
How to actually get your baby to fall asleep independently
First, set yourself up for success:
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Make sure your baby doesn’t get overtired.
The more tired a baby is, the harder it is for him to fall asleep. Being overtired releases cortisol, a stress hormone, the same hormone that keeps you up at night.
The ideal time to put baby to sleep is when he shows the first signs of tiredness (glazed eyes, turning away from stimulation). Don’t wait until baby starts crying. Over time, you will learn your child’s wake windows and anticipate when he’s ready to go to sleep.
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Make sure your baby is well-fed.
A hungry baby will have a hard time falling asleep. That doesn’t mean you need to feed him right before going to sleep. In fact, doing so will have him associate eating with sleeping. Instead, your routine can be something like: feed baby ➜ bath/changing ➜ bedtime.
Create a bedtime routine
Babies thrive on routine. Once they associate something with going to sleep, their bodies get the message to start winding down. Right now, your baby might associate eating with going to sleep. By creating a new routine, your baby will learn to associate that new routine with going to sleep instead.
Here’s a sample routine:
-Make the atmosphere in the room sleepy (dim the lights, close the curtains)
-Give baby a bath (skip this step for naps)
-Put on diaper and pajamas
-Put baby to bed
While you go about the bedtime routine, move in a slow, relaxed way; it will help your baby relax too.
Now that you’ve done the routine, the next step is actually putting your baby to bed.
See Part 2 for exact steps, including what to do when your baby cries and how to handle middle-of-the-night wakeups.
For additional support on this topic, I highly recommend reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Much of what is discussed here is based on her work.
This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your pediatrician or healthcare provider before making changes to your baby's sleep routine, especially if you have concerns about your child's health or development.