Part 2: Making it work
Welcome to Part 2: Making it work. In Part 1, I discuss the benefits of teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, as well as how to set the stage to make that happen. Highly recommend reading Part 1 first, as that will set you up for success with implementing Part 2.
Putting your baby to bed
So you’ve done the routine, now what?
In the very near future, when your baby is able to fall asleep independently, you just put him in his crib and leave the room.
For now, while your baby is learning, put him in the crib and see what happens. If he’s calm, you’re good to go.
If he cries:
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Pat him while saying “Shh. Shh. Shh.” As soon as he stops crying, stop. If he starts again, pat him again while saying “Shh. Shh. Shh.” Keep doing this until baby falls asleep.
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Instead of patting, another option is to pick him up to calm him. Put him down as soon as he stops crying. Keep doing this until baby falls asleep.
Decide which method to use based on how fussy your baby is, what you think will help calm him better without overstimulating him (and how much stamina you have).
This part can be very, very hard on you. You might pick him up and put him down 300 times before he falls asleep (exaggerating, but not so much).
Good news is, you won’t need to do this for more than a few days before your baby is fully able to put himself to sleep. And even during those few days, each time will probably get a little easier.
If your baby is older, it might take more time, but any baby can be taught this skill!
When baby wakes up
When your baby wakes up (either at night or after a too-short stretch during the day), don’t rush to the crib. Babies often wake up for a bit and then put themselves back to sleep.
If he starts crying and doesn’t calm down after a couple of minutes, your next steps will depend on what your baby is up to.
If he needs to eat, feed him. If he has a dirty diaper, change him. Otherwise, do the patting or pick up/put down method from before.
You might be wondering how this is any different from feeding or rocking your baby to sleep, if you anyways need to stand here and pat him or pick him up.
With this method, you are not putting your baby to sleep. You are teaching him to do the actual falling asleep on his own. Make sure to stop patting/put your baby down as soon as he’s calm, before he falls asleep, so that he’s not relying on that to put him to sleep.
The biggest difference is that you’ll only need to do this for a few days. After that, your baby will be able to fall asleep completely on his own.
Some helpful tools
There are a few things you might find useful while you’re teaching your baby to fall asleep independently.
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A swaddle – hugely helpful for babies who need to feel cuddled and like they’re in mommy’s arms. Also really helps for the newborn stage, when they often get startled by the arms moving around, which ends up jerking them awake.
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A pacifier – Babies have an inborn need to suck in order to self-soothe. Giving your baby a pacifier can help him self-soothe and put himself to sleep more easily.
The only word of caution I have is that once baby falls asleep and the pacifier falls out, don’t stick it back in. That will make baby need the feeling of the pacifier in his mouth to stay sleeping and he’ll end up waking up when he doesn’t have it.
For additional support on this topic, I highly recommend reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Much of what is discussed here is based on her work.
This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your pediatrician or healthcare provider before making changes to your baby's sleep routine, especially if you have concerns about your child's health or development.